Sometimes I wonder why I’m searching so hard. What if there really isn’t anything to be found? What if after all this reading and thinking and debating it turns out that I’ve just been chasing the wind? A really good friend of mind made a very interesting point to me this week. I can’t remember the exact words, but they were in the vein of to much studying takes away the beauty of the message and that it’s better to just believe. How does one “just believe” though? While I would love to have the gift of a child-like faith, unfortunately I appear to have been cursed with a contemplative and speculative mind. To those that say “turn to the Bible”, well I can’t even count the number of times I’ve read it. The Bible is a book I rarely miss a day reading. As much as I love it though, I find myself digging into texts with less obtuse messaging and even a touch more on the mystical side (since mysticism tends to soften the tone).
We live in a pretty scary world. People are greedy and self absorbed with very little interest or desire to think about things that matter to anyone other than themselves. How else can you explain a society that is so lost that it celebrates the death of an enemy and fights ways to care for their less fortunate neighbors? Children are physically and sexually abused, people eat each other, and the religious institutions just keep racking in the tithes. Praise the Lord!
God, if you are out there, do you even care anymore??
Do you care that little children are born with collapsed lungs and a young couple has to endure the stresses of the condition only to cope with the loss?
Do you care when your representatives here on earth rape children?
Do you care when an elderly lady can’t even walk from a store to her home without a thug knocking her over to steal her purse?
Do you care that millions of children will go to bed hungry tonight and tomorrow night too?
God, if you are out there, did you ever care?
If your chosen people are the stock of Abraham, why are your chosen people always fighting each other?
If we are to love our neighbors as ourselves, why do I have to lock my doors at night and arm an alarm system?
If we are to do unto others what we would want done to us, why do I need insurance to protect my own identity?
God, where are you? Have you given up on us?
With all the violence and hate, I’d be lying if I didn’t say that sometime I question whether nature is just random. To my friends who say all of these natural disasters and the obvious moral collapse of our society are prophecies that are being fulfilled: I not subscribe to an ending times apocalyptic view requiring me to resign myself to believing that the very Creator that fashioned the cosmos in their unknowable and infinite majesty, did so just to destroy it. Nor do I believe that a blood sacrifice was needed as a condition for anything.
To understand a holy unity, examine the flame rising from a candle. We see at first two kinds of light, one glistening white and one blue or black. The white light is above and rises in a straight line, the blue or black light is beneath and appears to be the source of the white; yet the two lights are so closely united they form one single flame. But the source formed by the blue or black light is, in turn, attached to the wick under it. The white light never changes, it always remains white; but several shades are distinguishable in the lower light. Moreover, the lower light moves in two opposite directions; above, it is connected to the white light, and below, it is attached to the burning matter; this matter continually consumes itself and rises toward the upper light. It is thus that all that is, reunites with the one unity. — Zohar
Perhaps the Divine Essence is within all of us as a thread to weave us together with a sense of oneness. The more the focus is on me instead of we, the weaker that thread becomes. Perhaps what I’ve been looking for in this Quest has been within me and those around me all along, bottled up and waiting to be let out.
The entire lower world was created in the likeness of the higher world. All that exists in the higher world appears like an image in this lower world; yet all this is but One. — Zohar